


In the wood

by MagicMiss



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Jean centric but barely, Mikasa loves him and he loves her and they love each other, Ranting to each other lead to love we all know this uhuhu, bit of crack but that’s Jean being a dork, character’s introspection, kinda angsts at first, manga spoilers up to 127, soft, they both stupid but especially Jean, ‘He is family for fuck’s sake !’ Is Mikasa motto tonight lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23123422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicMiss/pseuds/MagicMiss
Summary: After Jean beats Reiner to a pulp, he walks away into the woods to calm himself down. Life is such a complicated mess and he wishes he could revert back to his careless selfish self but he has changed... Everybody does in a way.Mikasa go check on him to be sure everything is alright and get to talk to him heart-to-heart and teach him that he isn’t alone and that she cares for him, in the same way he do for her.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, mention of - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	In the wood

Jean’s breath was erratic. Both hands on the side of his head he was failing to calm himself down after what happened. 

Punching to the pulp Reiner did not have him the satisfaction he hoped for but it sure did helped in a sadistic kind of way… He had really tried to keep his composure back there, but hearing him talking and talking and talking as if he even had the right to explain his monstrous action made his body react before his mind. 

He let himself fall onto the forest’s ground, leaning against a tree, after he was sure he was far away enough from all of them. He couldn’t be the only one revolted by them !? How they sent for decades pure Titans on their ground, broke down the wall, killed hundreds of innocents civilians, betrayed everyone and wished for their eradication !? They only stopped trying to kill them because their own country’s future was on the line, either way they would’ve kept on killing them.

What will they do after they stopped Eren ? Jean’s hit the ground of his hand out of frustration and anger, “Fuck !!”. 

Now was not the moment to think about it, it was a problem for future Jean. 

Tears were rolling down his face. Everything hurt so bad… He thought he had mourned Marco years ago but apparently he was still as weak as before. If only beating up Reiner could bring him back. Now better than ever he needed his best friend, he needed someone who wasn’t relying entirely on him, who could tell him to stop being a bitch and to get his shit together. He needed someone because he knew he was barely holding himself up… He could’ve had it all… He fought for it, he nearly died numerous times for it… Freedom was barely paces away from him and he had nearly let himself fall into the easy way. Hange is right, genocide isn’t the answer. But what were the others, though ? Letting themselves get erased ? Agreeing to Zeke’s fucked up plan ? Trying to get peace through menaces ? 

Jean leaned back his head against the tree, calming down slowly but surely. The wood was cold, lightened only by the moon and the very distant fire. As he admired the black sky and his stars, he heard footsteps. 

“Jean, are you there ?” 

It was Mikasa. The young man sighted, feeling relieved to hear her soft voice but also frustrated. He was still, if not even more, in love with her. She had become an even more beautiful woman over the past years and he couldn’t but admire her determination and loyalty. She was a sincere friend and he was glad to be by his side even if she would never see him as anything else than… a friend. 

“No, it’s only me the sad spirit of the wood.” 

She scoffed softly and sat in front of him. The blue light of the moon was only making her even more cute and beautiful… How dared she being so nice when he he probably looked like an overcooked crab with his red puffy eyes and ugly crying face. 

"You sure did gave a good show, uh." She said softly. 

He shrugged, unsure what to say and picked a blade of grass to play with. 

"They were all pissing me off." He quickly glanced at her and saw she was intensely looking at him. It scared him a bit and looked away immediately. "Reiner has it coming, though. I asked him to stop many times." He threw the grass away after he had teared it in littles bits. "But he had to fucking keep on going on ! What good was it for !? Me ?" He scoffed, rolling his eyes to the sky. "Nooo... It was for him. So he could feel a little better, as if confessing that sin will erase the hundreds others." 

They stayed silent a moment, only hearing the noises of the forest until Mikasa nodded. 

"He’s getting ate alive by guilt. Kind of a good thing... You can be sure he will never forget Marco or the others."

_ What a twisted way to see it _ , Jean thought,  _ but sure . _

"I’m not so sure about Annie. She did seemed scared when Yelena said Marco’s name but do she regrets killing all these survey corps members ?" 

Jean nodded, Annie was a real bitch too. Just because he was able to sit beside them didn’t mean he forgot everything they did.

"You think they will betray us after we stop the rumbling ?" He asked out of the blues, surprising Mikasa. 

She fidgeted her fingers and hesitated before answering, "I’m not sure. To be honest, I don’t like them. Really not."  Oh same , he said mentally. "But maybe they will open their eyes after a battle together... It’s hard to say. But for now I’m definitely not trusting them."

He laughed softly. 

"Do you eventrust people, though ? How many years were necessary for you to even consider other people as comrades ?" He wanted to be on a funny tone but it kind of felt more accusatory than anything else. 

"I... I guess I can’t do much about my blood." She seemed tired and washed out. "A slave like I told you."

"I keep on saying it’s false. Sure you had that weird relationship with Eren-"

"Fraternal relationship. He’s family." She cut him. 

“Yeah... But I don’t think you are a slave to him, Mikasa.” She looked away. “Maybe some pseudo titan science, or whatever it’s called, played a role into the creation of your lineage centuries ago but you are still an human. A thoughtful and loyal human who loved another human.” 

“He’s family for fuck’s sake !” 

Jean hold back his laugh before her shocked face, she seemed to have surprised herself by swearing and screaming like that. 

“Alright, alright ! No need to scream, ahaha !” 

She blushed and put her head in her hands and whispered excuses. “Everybody think I’m in love with him but he’s just... Like my brother. The only family I had left...” Her voice went down, and he immediately regretted talking about Eren, especially when the apparent only way out is to  _ kill _ him. 

Jean leaned in toward her and took he hands in his, forcing her to look at him. Her beautiful gray eyes were shining, full of tears. 

“Excuse me, I shouldn’t have speak about him.” He said softly. Her hands were so cold... Was she always like that or was it because they were away from the fire ?

“No, it’s fine...” It didn’t looked like it was fine, though. “I’m just so frustrated to never have seen how... How he didn’t changed.” 

She breathed in, and swiped her tears away quickly. Jean was hurt he made her feel like that but also felt it was a necessary discussion. She reacted like that with Annie cause it was, well,  _ Annie _ . Out of all people to have that discussion it was probably not best for it to be with their persecutors. Even with all the love and care he felt for her, ignoring that possibility was wrong and more hurtful than anything. 

“It wasn’t your fault. I didn’t see it too... Armin didn’t see it... We changed, we grew older.”

“But I should have seen it, Jean.” She was hurt, truly. And betrayed. She told him what Eren said, how he insulted her then beat up Armin... If only Jean had been there he would’ve join in with Armin. Eren would have probably beat him up too, fuck titan powers, but whatever. He was ready to take a fucking bullet for Mikasa. 

“We can’t go back anyways.” She winced, hurt. “It’s of no use that to think over and over the past and imagine what could have happened instead. Trust me, for years I tried but it’s impossible.”

She looked at him right in his eyes, he had pretty gentle golden eyes, and smiled sadly. 

“Marco was a nice guy. I regretted too his death.” 

“Yeah... But his death is also what motivated me to become good.” The words seemed to burn his throat, and memories of his death flashed in his mind. “Like all the men who have died after I gave an order back in Trost, or those in Liberio. For all of them I’ll get better and better. Reflecting too much will, for sure, keep you from advancing and improving.” 

They were so close she could feel his breath against her skin. He was so warm too... She felt safe between his hands even she shouldn’t, considering three enemies titans were not so far away from them and what was left of her closest friends. If Armin, or Connie, or Hange or even Levi, died she would lost it for good. 

“You have to keep your head up and not regret your choices.” 

“You sound like Levi now...” She chuckled softly, trying herself at joke. 

He smiled, “After years of frequenting that man I may have or have not took some bad habits, eheh.”

She put her hand on his hand, making him blush a little. “Thanks for being so nice to me. You truly are amazing.” 

“Ahah, did you ever thought something else ?” He tried to be smooth and calm but after he realized how close he was to her and how she was holding onto him he suddenly felt very flustered. 

“You were kind of an ass back then, you know ?” She poked fun at him.  Her smile is so cute... “But Connie is right...”  _ Oh fuck !! What did that little shit said about me !? _ “You do are a softie inside.” 

“Eh ! You’re one to- to speak, holding my hand like that !” He blushed even harder, feeling emotionally overwhelmed by how close they were and by her beautiful smile. And by just  everything . 

She took back her hand, embarrassed. “Hum, sorry...” She whispered.  _ Oh shit what a fucking idiot I am !  _

“It didn’t bothered me, though !” He desperately tried to recover his massive stupidity. “I was just- Just joking around, ahahahah !”

He was so fucking close to bury himself on the spot to never face her again. 

She stood up, her cheeks red. “It’s fine, I was just checking in anyways. Armin is gonna ask where we disappeared and get the wrong idea.”

“What wrong idea ?” He blurted out like an idiot. As soon as he asked he realized what would Armin think after he saw his best friend friend go alone in the wood to join his other friend known through the whole fucking country for having a crush on her. “Wait no-“

“That you could kiss me.” 

_ Oh well fuck my life, I just want to die. _

“Ah !!? This !! Ahahah !!” He was sure everybody around could hear that ‘I fucked up so bad’ laugh. “Nooo ! I wouldn’t- Not that I don’t want- But I would never !! You’re like- a good close friend, ahah !” His eyes were screaming ‘kill me’. 

“You would never kiss me ?” She repeated with a little voice and he could swear she sounded hurt. 

“No !! Uh, yes !! But not because- I don’t love you, uh !!” The poor man stood up too, confusing himself. He was flustered and blushing so hard even his ears were red. Mikasa even opened her eyes wide at the vision of this tall man panicking and gesticulating and had to hold back a chuckle. 

“You don’t like me ?” 

“No !! Wait- yes !! But no ! I don’t like you at all ! At all !” Jean’s heart was pounding as fast it was humanly possible and he swears it was ready to just jumps out of his chest. “You’re beautiful and cute but I don’t like you in that way, ahahah !! You’re just a friend !! A beautiful friend and I love you bUT !! I don’t love you !”

“Oh...” She looked down and Jean thought he was gonna die. How could he be so stupid !?  _ Everything is a fucking nightmare tonight, for fuck’s sake ! _ “Armin told me you said to him you cared about me a lot... Was he wrong ?” 

“Armin said what !!?” She started to step back but he quickly grabbed her hand and drew her closer to him. “No no ! I don’t want you to have the wrong idea about me ! I’m no weirdo !! I would never say such bizarre thing !”

“That you don’t care about me ?” She was whispering, visibly hurt. 

“No ! I do ! I care !” All his thoughts were confusing him, unable to even think straight about what he was going to say next he just blurted, eyes closed ; “I do care a lot about you cause I love you.” 

“You just kept on saying that you didn’t-“

“Forget what I said. I’m just so fucking dumb.” 

They stayed still and silent, his hand still holding her, in the wood. He was already regretting everything and, to hell what he said about not reflecting on the past, wanted to run away and to live as an caveman in some dirty hole until he dies of hunger. 

“Connie’s wrong about you for something, though.’’ He gave her a puzzled look, fearing the worst. ‘’You’re such a idiot.” 

He chuckled. “I guess so.” 

She looked at their joined hand and smiled. “Look who’s holding my hand, now ?”

“I’m sorry for panicking like I did. You just... confused me and I didn’t know what to do and say yet I kept on talking and talking ahahah ! Apparently when I’m nervous I talk too much- maybe that’s why Reiner di-“

Before he could even finish his sentence, Mikasa was kissing him. Her lips were cold, but soft. Surprise soon disappeared and he went along. Both were inexperienced and the kiss was kinda awkward but for what it hold in meaning they loved it deeply. She was so small compared to him he had to bend a little his knees and tenses his shoulders to cup correctly her face and head in his hands hurting his back a bit but he never will admit it aloud. He was glad enough to share this. 

Jean broke first the kiss and took back his breath. Everything around him had dissolved away and he could only see and feel Mikasa, her skin on his, her breath against his neck, her soft hair in his hand and her beautiful eyes looking at his. He had never thought of himself good enough for her, he had understood since the beginning he’ll probably only watch her from the side. He was ready for it, even... But she had kissed him ? It meant she did liked him, or loved, or just appreciated enough for sharing such intimate moment. 

“I- I never thought...” He whispered flustered. 

He straightened up and she gave a faint smile, happy. 

“I did.” She tip toed to cup his face too. “I guess you were too busy being a scaredy-cat to see it.” 

“Oof.” He snorted, surprised and gave her a tender look. “Fair enough.”

“Let’s go back to the camp. We’ll need plenty sleep for what’s going to hit us tomorrow.”

The world around them reappeared, they might well kiss but the world wasn’t that fair. They could never truly escape and get away with it. After each problems came another and they would be well aware now. 

“Can’t we... Just... Stay there a little bit more ?”

She smiled softly and took him in her arms, hugging him tightly. “After it’s all over...” He could feel she was scared of how it will end, “we’ll have the time we need for talks, hugs, kiss and such.” He gently rubbed her back, to comfort her. “But first we have to do what’s necessary.”

She broke the hug and both felt like something was missing... It is a truly appeasing and heartwarming sensation than to be in a lover’s one arms, to whispers sweet words and promises as if nothing could ever hurt them. She had met Death more time than a nineteen years old should ever, she understood too early than life was cruel and that only the huge scythe was a constant but tonight, in the arms of that tall and sweet, handsome and caring man, she felt like nothing was impossible. Love sure is blinding. 

When they returned only Armin, Hange and Magath were awake. Their two friends gave them a sweet understanding look yet the enemy’s general could only turn away his head. It’s not he was judging or disgusted (though, kind of to he honest) but as someone who knew death and war very well too he easily imagined what will happen if one of them died in the other’s arms. Love is such a cruel bitch and for seeing all his men’s gut wrenching screams after they had seen their loved ones dead he was glad to be a lone wolf. 

_ It’s their own fault for liking each other like that _ . He thought bitter.  _ They better not get themselves killed in some displaced romantic gestures or anything. _

**Author's Note:**

> Can you be SURE it didn’ t happened, uh ?! I know for facts it’s canon, I am Isayama’s writing help :P
> 
> Anyways, be sure to leave a kudos or a comment


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